The Meaning of His Song
by kats96
Summary: After hearing Gilderoy Lockhart's song, Ron has some questions for Harry. An AVPSY fic.


"Harry, can I talk to you?"

"Ron, if this is about me breaking up with your sister, I'm sorry. Actually, no, I'm not sorry. It had to be done. She was cramping my style."

"Oh, no, it's not about that. I'm glad you broke up with her. Now I don't have to be nice to her anymore."

"Then what is it?"

Ron stuck his hands in his pockets, thumbs out, trying to channel a cool and laid-back persona. "It's just there's… something I want to ask you. Something really serious. It's about what Gilderoy was saying in his song…"

Harry sighed dramatically. "Ron, why would you even listen to that guy? It's obvious he hates me, probably because I'm so awesome." He grinned and lifted his hand for a high-five that never came. "Ron, really? You're just gonna leave me hanging?"

"Harry," Ron said quietly. "What did Gilderoy mean when he said that you were 'gone and replaced with a suit and tie, dancing in a variety show'? Because he has a point. You have been 'gone' a lot. You disappear without telling anyone where you're going. Not even me, your best friend. Don't you trust me? What have I ever done to lose your trust? I…"

"Ron, stop," Harry interrupted, running a hand through his hair, puffing his curls up. "I do trust you. I should have known that I would eventually have to explain my disappearances, but… I like having secrets. Ever since I came to Hogwarts, my life has been on constant display for everyone to see, and I thought that I could have just one thing for myself." Harry seemed to spit these last words out bitterly.

Ron took his hands out of his pockets and lifted them in a gesture of surrender. "Look, man, it's cool if you don't want to tell me. I didn't know you would get so upset about it…"

"Oh, no!" Harry shouted sarcastically. "It's okay. Harry doesn't need secrets. It was selfish of him to think that he could keep something about himself private. After all, he's Harry Freakin' Potter. He won't mind if we pry into him for the last little secret thing he has left. He owes it to us because we have raised him to hero status with our adoration. It is our wizard-god-given right to know every fucking little detail about his life. He doesn't need privacy; heroes don't get privacy…"

"Harry, seriously, calm down. It's not that big of a deal." Ron reached an arm up and put it around Harry's shoulders. Harry flung it off roughly and strode a few steps away.

"You want to know my secret?" Harry continued. "Okay, Ron. Here it is. I am an actor on a muggle television show. There. Now you know everything. Happy?"

"Wait, what?"

"You heard me."

"I don't understand…"

"Of course you don't, Ron! You don't understand anything about me! You have no idea what it's like to be Harry Potter, to have the whole fucking wizarding world depending on you to save them from every fucking little crisis. The pressure, the constant scrutiny… It never ends! So I escape to the muggle world and pretend to be someone else for a while. Okay?"

"Okay…" Ron said hesitantly.

"Are we done?" Harry asked tersely.

"Um, actually, I had another question. What did Gilderoy mean when he said, 'recently he's been acting very queer'?"

Harry sighed again. "Damn that Gilderoy Lockhart! How does he even find this stuff out?"

Ron frowned. "But that doesn't make sense. The Scarf of Sexual Preference sorted you as heterosexual. _I'm_ the one who got sorted as bicurious."

"No, Ron, no, it's not like that."

"I don't mind, Harry. You are who you are. You'll still be my best friend. Nothing will change that. I just wish you had told me. Was it dating Ginny that made you realize it?"

"Ron, no!" Harry snapped. "I'm not gay. The character I play, Blaine, is gay. _I'm_ not."

"Oh," Ron said, for lack of a better response. "So when you're tired of being Harry Potter, you run away to hide behind this Blaine character in the muggle world?"

"Yes."

"I don't get it. Why? Aren't there other ways to escape?"

"Yeah, but they're illegal," Harry replied drily.

"I'm just curious as to why acting? And why in the muggle world?"

"Ron, I grew up in the muggle world. It isn't as foreign of a place for me as it is to you. And… I don't know. I saw an opportunity, and I took it. It's fun. I enjoy it. Blaine is completely different from me. He' sort of a subtler kind of hero. It's a refreshing change of pace from my life here. Does that make sense?"

Ron shrugged. "Kind of. I guess. But Harry, did you ever stop and think how this would affect the rest of us? What would have happened if Voldemort came back while you were gone? What if we needed you and you weren't there? Did you ever consider what could have happened?"

"Well…" Harry rubbed the back of his neck. "No…"

"Then why are _you_ getting upset? Sure, you don't have any secrets now, but you left us alone without any protection. Anything could have happened. We're just lucky nothing did. If anyone should be upset, it should be me. Me and all the other wizards you put in jeopardy. _We _should be upset, upset that you don't care about us enough to tell us where you're going, that you would rather keep it to yourself and leave us to struggle if something bad happens.

"You say that you're Harry Potter, but I'm not so sure. You _were _Harry Potter, but now you're someone trying to disguise himself as this Blaine guy. The Harry Potter I knew, the Boy Who Lived, he would have put the safety of his friends over his own selfish personal time. He cared enough to be there at all times, and even if he wasn't able to be there, he would tell someone. Yeah, I don't know who you are, but you aren't Harry Potter. Not the Harry Potter I knew, the Harry Potter I used to call my best friend."

Ron pulled the blue headband off his head and offered it to Harry. "Harry Potter gave this to me. If you see him, give it back, because I don't think I want it anymore."

Ron turned away so Harry couldn't see the tears in his eyes and started down the hallway.

Harry stood there, fuming, watching Ron leave. How dare he accuse his best friend and savior of the wizarding world of being the villain, of abandoning his friends…? He had every right to be upset. But he couldn't get Ron's words out of his head. What if something _had_ happened? What if Voldemort _had_ returned while he was off singing the latest Top 40 hit? What if he let his friends die while his character flirted with Kurt over coffee? If something had actually happened, he would never forgive himself.

"Ron, wait." Ron turned back, casually wiping his face. Harry approached him and handed the headband back. "I'm sorry. You're right. I never stopped to think what my actions could have resulted in. I _was_ selfish. A selfish asshole only focused on myself, on getting away. I should have realized that I can never get away. And you know what? I don't think I want to get away, not completely. I enjoy being Blaine, but I also enjoy our crazy, dangerous adventures, and I would never want to give that up."

"So, you won't leave anymore?

"Well, no. Like I said, I enjoy acting, but I promise to tell you when I'm going and where, and at the first sign of trouble, you come and get me. Okay?"

Ron nodded. "Okay." He took the headband and placed it back across his forehead.

"So are we cool now?" Harry asked.

Ron smiled. "Yeah, man," he replied. "We're cool."

"Great!" Harry exclaimed. "Come on. Let's go kick Senior Year's ass!"


End file.
